Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
