My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
