He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
