Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
