Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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