Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
