So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
