we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
