so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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