At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
