I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
