Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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