I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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