If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
