jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize