Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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