i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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