Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
