my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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