Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
