So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize