me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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