I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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