Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
