I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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