Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
