I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
