this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
