And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
