So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
