don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
