awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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