Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
