oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
