i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
