You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
