cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
