Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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