Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
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