It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
