I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
