I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
