WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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