Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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