Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
