she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
