She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
