soooo we both peed the bed last night...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
