my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
do herpes really smell.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
