Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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