How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
