Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
