What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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