69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
