I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
