Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
