I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
