we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
